Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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