White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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