I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
