a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
