So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
