Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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