if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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