trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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