1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
