Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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