i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
