I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
