I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
