new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
