Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
