I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
