addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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