Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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