My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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