Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
