went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
