Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
