Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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