i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
