Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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