you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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