So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
