3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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