I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
