gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
