sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
