Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
