Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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