well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
