So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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