the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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