I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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