We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
