i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
