I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
