omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
