Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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