I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
