don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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