He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
