Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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