lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
