How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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