i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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