whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
