I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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